Dear Lucas,
It’s been a rough day here at the Al Franken Center for Innovation
in Fundraising Emails.
See, we just got this new machine. Real cutting-edge. The salesman said
it could fill inboxes faster than ever before. He didn’t look too
happy about selling it to us. I guess he’s on our list, too.
The first couple emails it spat out were pretty good. But then we started
inputting all the recent developments in our race: the new attack ad from
my Republican opponent, the new Super PAC devoted to defeating me, and
the four straight polls showing this race in single digits.
We even reminded the machine that there were only 9 days left to reach
our September goal in the hopes that it would come up with some snazzy
fundraising links like this one.
Anyway, I guess it was too much, because the machine started cranking out
some really weird stuff. A chapter from
The Great Gatsby. Directions to a gas station in Wabasha County. A bunch of Minnesota Twins
box scores from 1984.
Eventually, the machine started emitting a sort of bluish smoke, along
with a poem about Lake Beltrami. The poem wasn’t bad, but the smoke
smelled awful.
Then it exploded.
Fortunately, it’s still under warranty, but we’re back to
writing these things manually. And, really, with so much going on in our
race, it shouldn’t take a start-of-the-art email-generating machine
to make the case for why we need your help.
We’re fighting back against the special interests, but we can’t
do it without you. Please click here to get us $5 closer to our September goal!
Here at the Franken Center, we’ve got a lot of machine parts to
clean up. But our campaign has work to do, too -- special-interest-fighting,
attack-ad-rebutting, grassroots-field-program-building work. And we really
need your help to do it.
Thanks for everything,
Al
P.S.: The machine really seemed to think you’d be convinced to make
a contribution if we told you that Tom Brunansky hit a home run to help
the Twins beat the White Sox on June 10, 1984. But I’m pretty sure
it would be more convincing to point out that our race is tightening fast,
our opponent and his allies are spending big on attack ads, and we’re
still $60,002 away from our September goal.
Either way, would you click here to donate $5 right now?