Henny Youngman , a popular comedian who got his start on radio in the late 1930's, would barrage his audience with one-liners, while playing a violin.
He was particularly famous for his "wife jokes." Here are just a few of his classic lines:
My wife is an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud.
I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife every finds out, she'll kill me!
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
For some, a spouse's spending habits are no laughing matter and are often a bone of contention in matrimonial disputes.
In Hearst v. Hearst , John Randolph Hearst, Jr., alleged that his spouse's onerous financial demands, and transfer of assets to her own name, comprised a form of "cruel and inhuman treatment."
Both the New York County Supreme Court and the Appellate Division, First Department, weren't buying any of it.
Since Mr. Hearst was already in a "fragile physical and mental state" prior to his marriage, the courts were not convinced that his spouse's conduct contributed to any further deterioration of his condition.
And while acknowledging that there was "marital discord," the AD1 was also not of the opinion that the wife's financial demands "endangered [Mr. Hearst's] health" or made it "unsafe or improper to cohabit with her."
[Insert your own punchline here.]
For a copy of the Appellate Division's decision, please use this link: Hearst v. Hearst